Your body is dong all the dictating you only have influence on the matter therefore being ashamed of that feeling of having to shit needs to be manned up to. You have to take a shit, and there's nothing you can do about it. You need to do it. After all as an adult when you need to do something you go out there and do it, because you're a man!
If you're heavily engaged in work or dialogged you just have to say I have to go to the bathroom. Sure it's out of nowhere, but so is the urge to have to take a shit. If people don't understand that fuck em. Saying you have to go to the bathroom does one of two things:
A. Shuts the person or people the fuck up.
B. Turns someone into a clown over subject in which case you just walk away while talking to the asshole(s) until you're gone from the picture.
Finding a shitter is the next step, and the best case scenario for this is that you know the property's facilities. In this case you can try searching for an empty bathroom, but if it can't wait who's gives a fuck! Half of the time the bathroom is a social pit party, and it shouldn't be. Show these stupid assholes a lesson I say! Gas the motherfuckers. Although sometimes people make it quicker once they see the stall doors close. On that note if you see someone in the stole try to get the fuck out of the bathroom! Anyway it's either you have the convenience to find an empty bathroom or you don't.
Prepare a landing zone! Get a strip of toilet paper of at least 1 and 1/2 feet long, and cover the toilet seat as strategically as possible. Then sit down, and look behind for the flusher.
The thing I hate the most about public restrooms is the wide open cracks in these things that people can look threw, and see you. Some are so fucking bad that Once ina while as soon as I work into the stall I actually make eye contact with someone in the bowl. Whoever designed these stall walls if a stupid faggit, peeping tom, because now you have to literally sit still before you open the bomb bay doors until you can see the coast is clear unless you're braver than me. I personally always wait before I make my movements.
Now the trick to shamelessly let your bowls lose in public bathrooms is to flush as you push the poop, and let it out. This creates noise diversion much like how a sniper prefers to take his shots after lightning strikes when it's storming, because the sound of thunder going off actually hide a gun shot. Don't be fooled by the simplicity, because this does work. So what if people can figure out that you're shitting every time that you flush despite they can't hear your ass farting out shit. If you got to do it one way or another this is the way to do it like a champ.
Video Example of Bowl Movement With Noise Diversion:
Try it! You'll eventually not give a fuck about having to take a shit in public, and if you have IBS of any kind this information is like a gift from God.
Don't get carried away there speedy shitter, because next comes the wiping up.
I don't whipe my ass until nobody is in the area. I'll literally sit, and wait for the coast to be clear, because I can't stand somebody knowing I'm wiping my ass. Sometimes I'll wait over 10 minutes.
Last, but not least is the departure, and a few different levels exist when departing from a shitty trip. First of all never leave a stall after taking a shit with people in a restroom unless you must. I find it most comforting to just to stand up, do up my pants, and wait until nobody is around before i walk out of the stall. Then once the coast is clear so are you for any blame the may come with the association of taking a shit.
Another thing that may suck is getting back to the action where you last left off, because people in general are ignorant, dumb motherfuckers, who will not give you one ounce of mercy for being absent.
I don't mean to sound righteous here. My life is not a scramble to get to the top. I'm a dumb, ignorant motherfucker to, but what makes me better than most people is my attitude about it. When I don't know about something I treat it as just that: a thing I don't know about. I never give anybody shit for a reason, but I do talk a lot of shit for no reason on the other hand.
Anyway I deal with these each kind of interrogators differently, because they can range from: your dad, your boss, or some woman in your bed. If the person is a total asshole I might just explain it straight up to them: I went to take a shit. Half the time that's that. The other half of the time it's a punch to their face. As for normal inquiries the simple explanation of such as: I had to use the bathroom, is good enough.
The worst part of shitting away from home is actually dealing with the 2nd, and so on God forbid more numerous other bowl assault waves that may sometimes come with severe diarrhea.
Well I hope that this helps out some of the soldiers out there who battle in shit.
Overview Summary:
1. Confront Your Bowl Movements
2. Find a bathroom
3. If engaged in activity annouce that you need to use the bathroom.
4. Find a bathroom
5. Prepare a landing zone
6. Create noise diversion with each push.
7. Wipe your ass each time the coast is clear.
8. Wait until the room is clear until you come out of the stall.
9. Prepare for interrigation.
*10. Hope you don't have to go again or else you'll have to redo steps 1 - 9.
Notes:
Public restroom toilets work best with flush technique.
If a private restroom has a noisy ventilation fan then no noise diversion is necessary while it is active.
Always try to scope out the bathrooms before you have to go.
